Excerpt from new book – in progress.

12 steps

The 12 steps model has benefited many. Here is a version for all Ailments! (My own experience of the Steps for use in many life areas).

Addiction, dependency, Depression, Behaviours, or …………………?

Insert your choice of problem into the spaces.

A 12-step model version (One way out of the darkness!).

(The word “alcohol” is replaced here with the issue/problem in question, which could be mental health or behavioral also

  (My take on the broader ramifications of this model plus my own experience).

Step 1. We admitted we were powerless over (………), that our lives had become unmanageable.

Admitting powerlessness over ……..

“I Admit and accepted that I have a problem with ……. ..that I cannot resolve by myself. I am “powerless” in regard to this problem, and may be powerless over many other aspects of my life.”

Co-existing disorders are the norm in health professional parlance. I.e. it is more likely that addiction will be accompanied by depression/anxiety, or other disorders, or vice versa. Co-existing physical ailments that compound the problem are also commonly prevalent. In addition, repeated attempts to resolve the core issue have not been successful, and it has become worse. (This may include harm reduction efforts. I.e. attempting to reduce drinking/behaviours.

Alternatively, attending counselling/therapy.

My Experience – step one.

Something about being powerless here shines through.

However, it talks about We, so I don’t feel bad about doing this step, as it seems to be dealing with fairly common problems!

Thinking I am in power over, (my historical mental health and dependency issues), is actual unreasonable. Alcohol for instance is an addictive drug, and a chemical poison. I used it mostly socially & then to “block out” at times. Then it seemed to be a dependency issue.  The step also does not say I have to sign anything, or I cannot change my mind. (Think of thirty- day refunds!). So, to say this is what I can truly believe, is also “just for today”.

(Although I developed a strong desire to keep this admission for days to come).

Maybe science will solve the mental health/addiction scenario one day. I doubt it, as I think there must be some reason to have problems – then get “fixed”. For instance, so available is alcohol, there must be some “purpose” behind its creation. It’s been around “forever”.

Maybe getting to this point is the sign of spiritual or other progress or even “enlightenment” (Whatever that is).

There is some reason for my/our experiences and I believe they are all lessons from designed to bring me/us to the “Higher Rooms”.

At some point, I/we can cease to worry about the issue, as the desire to drink/drug/engage in certain behaviours, will go. (If we do the programme as recommended).

For instance, I never will smoke again – guaranteed! (Have not done so for 30 years). Therefore – alcohol etc. can be something that I don’t want any more.

Smoking makes my asthma bad, and will give me cancer. No thanks! Similarly, I do not want alcohol. (Many reasons).

Biggest reason – whatever the issue – it makes our lives unmanageable. Again the “our” is very re-assuring. Just as we have laws about drugs, they are not focused on me, but on us.

Therefore, I do not need to take it personally.

It is a common problem. Whatever IT is.

Being in an unmanageable life is again purposeful in terms of my journey. (Can become manageable).

Stigma is something unenlightened people hold onto, based on fear/judgment. Not my problem!

I have a perfectly “average” disease/disorder/dysfunction/unmanageable problem, and am grateful that there is here a well-established programme that can be adapted to the issue.

This problem also leads me to accept, list, and start to manage the whole range of issues that I am also “powerless” over, (but which I can strive to release in my Recovery practice).

Bottom line: 12 steps programmes are even for those who wish only to stop drink/drug/engage in certain behaviours.

I am currently doing a bit more than wishing perhaps! (However, must stay humble!)

Step 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

(After “Our lives had become unmanageable”).

Believing that a higher power (in whatever form) can help.

My Experience – step two.

I realized that I needed help beyond thinking and efforts,  and needed other human intervention/support.

Has turned out good!

I got to get a help, and turned more to my own spiritual beliefs. I “qualified” for counseling, therapy etc., and managed to get some therapy.

Being in a life that is unmanageable, can turn to a relief, because I can see where things truly are and where I want to be.

This is good in that it leads me then to accept my l nature, my role in the scheme of things, (including lessons learnt). Helps me to move towards serving a purpose that includes service to others before myself. (This helps to side step the unmanageability)

Regarding “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity”. This step can be a bit puzzling.

It seems that many people have trouble with his step, especially if say, they are Atheist! They still seem to be able to get long-term sobriety or being mentally stable, using 12 steps even if they struggle with a belief in Higher Power.

Part of the reason it is puzzling to me is because, from the age of eighteen, I have always considered myself to be a spiritual person. However, I have found that it seems that I could not at certain times put the spiritual practice into real life activity.

Especially in consideration of the reasons for which I did the 12 steps.

Not only that, but I am puzzled as to why I have also experienced a significant number of depression episodes. I also suffered from considerable anxiety for many years. Why did my practice not cure me?

Theoretically, I can understand the perspective that my Higher Power has always protected me. It has enabled me to function well or seemingly well despite being in depression/dependency.

I do believe that I have been restored to sanity in many ways. Even starting from when I was 18.and a monk in India, I would not have attained the grounding in my sanity which enabled me to complete my time in India, and then move on to a so-called normal life.

This has enabled me to attain a career at senior clinical level, remaining within the family and marriage, and keeping my health and ability to function very well considering my age. (Now nearing eighty).

However, (if there is a Satan), I accept that I choose which side I take, by my own volition and action.

I find this to be a very satisfying and liberating place to be in, with my belief, as it enables me to understand not only my personality, but of others also.

It means that I can continue with my work no matter what happens. (Including as a mental health professional).

It also means that I choose whatever therapeutic and healing activity I participate in.

If I choose to do other, and go backwards that is my choice, but it is also for me to accept the consequences. I believe that allegiance to the meaning of step two will help me in a positive way in this regard. (Will also therefore keep me on track to the Light!).

Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. (Here I remove the God word and replace with my own choice – plus change Him to Her).

It is your choice of Deity or Atheist belief or something else. I sought further guidance from how my own chouce of Deity was directing my life, and even asked for my life to be taken over.

I did not have a hard time with this step because I do not have problems with religion, and I do not think this step is about religious obligation. It is about going towards something other than me. Thus, 12-step programme attendance follows, along with thinking about the Steps, and then putting them into practice.

I thought I was master of my destiny, but by working with the 12 steps, rather than on my own, this step three allows me to see my faith as including sobriety, sanity and serenity.

One key to recovery has been doing the steps. Therefore, this step wants me to do something –a decision that I accept outside guidance, (as well as my meditation/prayer). It is a power greater than me, but not just some belief system. I willingly accept help, in the form of supportive individuals, therapists, 12-step recommendations and my spirit affiliations. (Medication – very limited help!)

I had a certain part of my lifetime, of self-will running loose, driven mostly by depression. I needed to turn this part over also, and allow someone and something to care for me. This might also include the use of medication and support of health professionals.

Poor self-will means excluding consideration for others, focusing only on what I want- even for me if I seemed to be doing “good works” as a mental health professional..

I believe I am taking the actions necessary to change for good, forever. I need to keep doing the right actions!

I like the connection with a Higher Power, and I will continue to have good feelings about the 12-steps just to focus on this. There is a Higher Power or God mentioned in the steps. I am fine with that, but accept this is not for all.

Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Taking a personal inventory.

My Experience – step four.

I took a thorough look at my role in creating the problems, without judging or shaming myself. I took responsibility, which led to the practice of asking for help:

The real problem is that character flaws need to be faced as they appear to be. (That is being fearless). Searching is to “confess” it all. It is a bit Catholic!

In practice: I need to identify the negatives that have ruled my life, and not blame people, places, or things. I may learn from the results of hurtful, embarrassing activities through doing this.

This is probably the “therapy” step!

I know that “resentment feeds our addictions”.

• I had resentments about my wife, family work, money etc.
• Depression drives those resentments- negative beliefs.
• Drinking increases the negative & the low mood.
• This harmed my relationships, work, finances etc.
• I had a lot of fear driven anxiety, & used alcohol as my anti-anxiety drug.
• I responded destructively & negatively to my fears & negative beliefs.
• Some shame & guilt is present from childhood.
• I tended to block unpleasant feelings & do not allow too much personal closeness.
• Family, work and close relationships seemed scary at times.

Did not feel too overwhelming, doing this step, as I have had therapy and hours with counsellors. Nevertheless, I am no longer hanging out for a cure!

Recovery always helps me to feel ok about my life and myself. (Perhaps for some, so does the right anti-depressant!)

My faith has always grown, and I am grateful for the Higher Powers in my life. This is my guide to the moral bit. I cannot say I have been a totally good person, but I have been able to keep away from the worst outcomes. I think that I have always been guided to try to try to be kind to others and “do no harm”.

Therefore, my moral inventory is to ask primarily for forgiveness. This has engendered so much relief from shame & guilt.

I personally “pray” directly for forgiveness of “whatever”. Not sin though, and not through anyone’s blood sacrifice. (Admittedly I pick and choose the “bits” of religion that I can in my conscience, digest.

Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Admitting to the higher power, (or one’s choice of words), oneself, and another person the wrongs done

I admitted to myself, and to counsellor/s, sponsor etc. all the “stuff” that happened to demean my “goodness” due to my behaviours. I was willing to “own up” and again “confess”.

Didn’t need a God involved. (Maybe a Goddess)!

My Experience – step five.

Am I wrong? Is my life wrong?

This need to journey through our rights and wrongs with less judgement.  People then are what they are and all human life is defective, only to be remedied by turning to any path that gets us to reasonable mental and spirit “sanity”.

From a mental health perspective, it is just addiction. A disorder, (but not a spiritual “disease”). It is not bad, and even activities that occur under the influence are ideally not to be just punished, but also treated.

A health professional may advise here -be careful. Do not get into shame and blame. I have not seen this as the case though in the 12-step programme in action.

It is more like a “healing confession”.

Step 6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Being ready to have the Higher Power correct any shortcomings in one’s character

I have tried to look at my shortcomings and I willingly asked for this removal. It is not scary, although it seems like I will die if I lose my personality. I will be nothing! (Not sure how an atheist will use this step)!

My Experience – step six.

As I have previously been in a monastic role without recourse to my “normal” persona, I do not feel scared about tossing out my usual self-based ego. I gave up being a monk because I was getting stagnant, and not because it was emotionally painful!

However, when doing this step, I wanted to turn over my defects that I carry in my life in the community, within family, etc. Those defects were not so noticeable when I was a monk. It was the challenges, or “real” life, that bought out the worst in me!

I realize that I have mostly always been willing to change in a realistic manner, but I can have a perfectionist tendency, Then I may go the opposite if I cannot “get there”, thinking “what’s the point’. I can get overwhelmed because the radical change in my life has not happened.

I continue to affirm that I turn to the “Higher Rooms” where I can work from a positive attitude. I believe that my Guides will lead me correctly.

I like to think I am ready, especially for the unknown. For instance, I am available to accept death. That is guaranteed any way!

(At least I am thinking about it and am not burying my head in the sand, and saying all cravings or crazy desires have gone).

I still have needs and try to get them met. Mostly to just be in a good mood and be fairly happy. If I drink etc. to get that result, then “defects of character” will be in in charge again!

I am not a bad person, because there are some issues deep down or way back in time that may have caused or triggered the depression that triggers other behaviours. Therefore, I make the effort to heal those issues with professional help as needed. (Some childhood traumas).

Step 7: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Asking the higher power to remove those shortcomings.

I humbly asked Her for help, and committed myself to giving up my shortcomings so that they could be removed from me.

My Experience – step seven.

Humbleness is not my strong point, as I can feel superior at times. This leads to limited self- honesty, and being less teachable. I am though willing to grow and change, and into my late seventies am keen to meet new career challenges, put out my writings, and endeavour to be an ever improving resource for others wellbeing. More service all round until I die!

Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.”

Making a list of wrongs done to others and being willing to make amends for those wrongs

My Experience – step eight.

I made a list of all the people who were negatively impacted by my drinking /low mood and other behaviours. I want to live with respect and loyalty to others, and not let them down.

(I have a danger here in that I want to please other so they think good of me)

Learning how to live at peace without judgement, with all men and women, of whatever description. This can be a challenge, especially my low regard towards violent or aggressive men. However, I have hurt others, but I am not a violent or aggressive person. Probably a bit timid or wimpish!

This step does seem purposeless and pointless at times. (I am not good at making lists, especially about my faults). The advantage is that it helps me to cease to fear the criticism of others.

Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Contacting those who have been hurt, unless doing so would harm the person

My Experience – step nine.

I made amends to people through acknowledgement and commitment to change, even if I did not directly tell them about my behaviours. (Some were surprised and offended, as I often seemed to be a “paragon of virtue”).

Still, I needed to do this with some people, despite personal discomfort.

I had guilty or resentful feelings towards others; or I ignored their needs or deserted them. (Going back over forty years’ worth of stuff not even related to drinking!). I have my own part in hurting someone. Now I want to move into the future unencumbered by the past and to understand not to repeat the mistakes of that past.

They often seem embarrassed or even keener to talk about their own shortcomings!

I can only in the moment, make my peace and seek to live in the Upper Rooms. I try to experience this and bring this into my daily life & practice.

I have my own set of beliefs and faith and A.A. is also therefore somewhat subsidiary, but also important. (It doesn’t have to one cult).

It’s one tool among several for managing dependencies and other mental health issues.

The process of making amends includes then forgiving others and forgiving ourselves. Possibly being forgiven by others.

Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

I continue to be responsible and accountable for all my actions, and when I am wrong promptly admitted it and make the necessary changes.

My Experience – step ten.

It is about commitment our True selves, and to maintaining honesty and integrity in our everyday affairs.

As it so happened through 2020, I wrote three books and self- published on Amazon. This episode chronicling my 12-step journey was part of one book.

I am now more willing to release the idea of who I am or what I have been to receive the new. More willing to release the attachments I have had, or may still have, to what I think I am or should be. I accept myself as worthy to do this practice, which is woven into my whole life, past, present and future.

I ask:

Who am I? What am I?

What is my true purpose?

Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

My Experience – step eleven.

My version: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with my version of God etc.

Seeking enlightenment and connection with a higher power via prayer and meditation

I continue to seek to improve myself, to deepen connection to others, to develop and grow toward full potential, and to do my best regarding devotion to my my philosophy.

I am part of a great Source, and I seek to use my capabilities, strengths, and talents for a higher purpose.

Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to, (insert here who will be served), and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Carrying the message of the 12 Steps to others in need

My Experience – step twelve.

I use my deeper awareness and transcendence of my ego-based neediness. I help others to solve, resolve or manage their problems. Just as I was helped also. I continue my practice, and seek to get to practical applications regarding decisions and actions I take.

I write now to also serve others. (Writings about spiritual practice, and mental health).

I continue to work as a mental health professional.

It is about Service, with willingness to help others and to keep growing at the same time. Disclaimer!

It is impossible to do these steps 100%, so acceptance of our human limitations is in order. On any given day, we simply do the best we can with them.